


Spiderwebs and Wedding Vows

by grapalicious



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, accidental proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapalicious/pseuds/grapalicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How was Bilbo supposed to know about dwarven proposal customs?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spiderwebs and Wedding Vows

**Author's Note:**

> So I found this in the drafts on my USB and it was finished a long time ago but never posted.
> 
> Pretty sure it was for a kink meme prompt and if I ever have the time and a functional computer of my own again, I will look for it.
> 
> One last note: this is an unapologetically lighthearted and cheesy Filbo fic.

Bilbo let out a deep breath, relieved that he'd finally managed to draw all of the spiders- the enormous, ravenous spiders- away from the hanging webbed cocoons that contained his company of dwarves.

He stood still a moment and took a few breaths to focus himself. Then he turned his attention to the nearest bundled dwarf. He squinted at it and realized he could make out a bit of hair peeking through a hole in the webbing. Golden hair.

Fili then. There was only one dwarf in the compay who had that colored hair. It had to be Fili.

Gripping Sting firmly, Bilbo started to cut through the thick, tangled web.

Bilbo almost smiled. Almost because they were nowhere near out of danger yet and Bilbo thought it was bad luck to be celebrating prematurely. But almost because he knew Fili hadn't been eaten, not yet, and it must be some sort of good luck that he found one his favorite dwarves first.

Not that he had favorites. Okay, not that he'd admit out loud that he had favorites. But privately, Bilbo could admit to himself that Fili was probably his favorite dwarf. Fili was one of the few dwarves that had been friendly to him and had not doubted his every move since the quest began.

Not only that, but Fili had a sort of charm. Not a loud, obvious charm like Kili, bit a quiet, subtle one that left Bilbo blushing on more than one occassion. Gradually along their quest it had gone from Fili smiling at him and Bilbo blushing to Fili holding his hand and Bilbo blushing to Fili gently kissing him and Bilbo boldly kissing back. And both of them blushing 

And now they were... together? At least, that's what Bilbo thought. He wasn't quite sure how it worked with dwarves and courting and relationships and that was probably a question Bilbo should ask soon. Well, as soon as they weren't scrambling for their lives. So, yeah, it probably wasn't a question he would be asking soon.

With a final tug and a slash from Sting, Bilbo managed to get a good amount of the web untangled from around Fili. The aforementioned dwarf blinked his eyes blearily. 

"Bilbo?" 

"Yeah. You okay?" Bilbo gripped Fili's arms as the dwarf steadied himself on his feet.

"'M fine." Fili looked well enough, though he still sounded slightly dazed.

"Good," replied Bilbo. He started pulling at the pieces of webbing that were still stuck all in Fili's hair. "You can help me cut down everyone else as soon as we get you untangled."

"You are something else, Mister Baggins," said Fili, voice full of warmth. "Saving all our skins."

"Well, don't thank me, yet. We're not exactly safe. Just temporarily not in mortal peril." Bilbo gave a hard tug on a rather twisted up piece of web. "And I'm not having the best of luck getting these webs out of your hair."

Getting the webs untangled from Fili's hair took more time and effort than Bilbo had anticipated. Fili helped as much as he was able and finally they got most of the webbing detatched from his hair. But... but there were so many strands of web tangled and twisted up in the braids on Fili's face, Bilbo could only think of one solution.

"Fili," Bilbo sighed, his voice resigned. "I think you're going to have to cut it."

Fili went completely still and from the horror in his face one would have thought Bilbo was telling him to cut out his own heart.

"No," ground out Fili, his tone hard and almost panicked.

Bilbo wasn't sure he heard correctly. "No?" he echoed.

"No. I won't do it." Fili was shaking his head now.

"Fili! It'll take ages to get all of this web out- if it's even possible! We haven't got the time. Those spiders could be back any second and we have to cut every one else down."

"I'd rather end up as spider food," hissed Fili. "I'm not cutting my braids."

"You'd rather die than cut your hair?" asked Bilbo, increduously. He knew dwarves were very proud of their beards and braids but this was actually a life or death situation.

Fili stubbornly crossed his arms and nodded his head.

"Fili," Bilbo pleaded, "we have to help the others. We have to move. Can you just cut them? Please?"

"It took me ages to get them this way," Fili whined. "I'll look ridiculous if I cut them off."

For a moment, Bilbo was tempted to let Fili try to untangle himself while he went and freed everyone. But they would get everyone free much sooner with Fili helping him and he did not want to come back and have this argument all over again when Fili was still stuck. Bilbo was tired and frustrated and wanted to get as far away from spiderwebs as possible. He did not go through all this trouble to let any dwarves- even stubborn, golden haired ones- die.

"Can I do it?" Bilbo asked.

Fili blinked and frowned. "What?"

"Will you let me do it? Will you let me cut your braids for you?"

The dwarf sucked in a deep breath. He stared at Bilbo. Wait, were those tears forming in Fili's eyes? It was just hair! It would grow back, for goodness sake.

And Bilbo didn't know what exactly to call the look on Fili's face. It had softened considerably from his stubborn scowl and now almost looked... tender? Was the corner of his lip turning up in a smile?

Oh no, thought Bilbo. He broke him. His question broke Fili and sent him over the edge. Maybe he should have been more sensitive about the braid thing. Should he apologize? Should he-

"Yes."

It was Bilbo's turn to frown and blink, forcing his thoughts to a stop. "What?"

"Yes," Fili sounded a bit breathless, "yes, you can cut them."

"Oh. Oh, well, good then." Bilbo ducked behind Fili and grabbed a knife out of the dwarf's boot. He straightened back up in front of Fili and, yes, that was a smile playing on the edges of Fili's lips. Must've been extremely relieved he didn't have to cut the braids off himself.

Bilbo positioned the knife next to one of the braids. His eyes met Fili's. "Ready?" He asked.

"Ready," Fili let out a breath. A few seconds later the knife sliced through the braid and the webbing. The severed braid lay in Bilbo's hand and they both looked at it for a moment. Then Bilbo let the braid fall to the ground. 

"Now for the other one."

Fili nodded and then there was a slice and the other braid was discarded to the forest floor. 

"How awful do I look?" questioned Fili, face now braid and spiderweb free. 

"You look awful," Bilbo shook his head. Fili looked down in embarrassment, but Bilbo cupped his hands around the dwarf's face and lifted it back up. "You look awfully, awfully handsome," he smiled. "Just like always." He pressed his lips against Fili's in a kiss.

Pulling back, he saw Fili was now smiling as well. "Now," said Bilbo, "let's save some dwarves."

They both set off to cut the others free. And Bilbo didn't notice the soft words exchanged between Fili and the other dwarves, nor the looks that were sent his direction. 

He might've noticed eventually but then the spiders were back and then there were elves and then all the dwarves were captured and taken away. Bilbo barely had time to curse his luck before he was formulating plans and going off to save the dwarves again.

-  
-

Finding the dwarves' cells in the Elvenking's palace wasn't quite as difficult as Bilbo imagined. After only an hour of wandering around with his magic ring on, he stumbled across Kili's cell.

"Bilbo!" Kili greeted him after he'd removed the ring and made his presence known. "You're alive!"

"Course I am," he answered cheerfully, glad to have found part of the company. "I have to stick around to get you lot out of trouble, don't I?"

"Too true," Kili smiled. "Have you seen Fili yet?"

Bilbo shook his head. 

"Well, why're you here talking to me? Go find him! He's probably worried sick about you."

Bilbo peered at the dark haired dwarf. "You're alright, though, aren't you?"

Kili waved him off. "Fine. Now go find your prince charming."

Heat rose in Bilbo's cheeks at that comment and he was about to leave when Kili exclaimed, "Wait!"

Bilbo lifted an eyebrow in question.

"Now that we're practically brothers," Kili said, and Bilbo felt touched that the dwarf now considered him family, "could you do me a favor?"

"Saving you from spiders and elves isn't enough of a favor?"

Kili ignored that. "There's a red haired elf lady running around here. Looks like she could kill you in the blink of an eye. Could you see if you could get her to come talk to me?"

Bilbo rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Kili."

The next dwarf he found wasn't Fili, it was Balin.

"Ah, laddie," Balin said, "I do believe congratulations are in order."

"Um, okay," Bilbo didn't know how to respond. Was he being congratulated for coming to the rescue?

"You're a very lucky hobbit," continued Balin and gave Bilbo a small wink. Bilbo thought the behavior was a bit strange, even for Balin.

"Oh, yes, I suppose so," Bilbo agreed. He was rather lucky, wasn't he? He was a hobbit out on an adventure and had escaped from danger mostly unscathed and had even found a magic ring. Lucky, indeed.

He found Fili next and their hands and lips met through the bars of the cell and Bilbo forgot all about Balin's strange behavior.

For awhile. Because it wasn't just Balin. As Bilbo made his way through the dungeons and found the other dwarves, he recieved many more smiles and winks and a few more 'congratulations'. Bifur excitedly rambled and gestured at him and Bilbo hadn't a clue what he was saying but offered a polite 'thank you' anyways.

Bilbo brushed off the weird behavior because he thought the dwaves might be suffering effects from spider poison or something and he honestly had other things to worry about at the moment. Like how to break thirteen dwarves out of elvish prison.

-  
-

Barrels. 

Not really the most comfortable form of transportation.

But Fili and Kili were smiling once everyone was on shore and Bilbo couldn't even be all upset that he was soaking wet when everyone was safe. He found it almost impossible to be upset when Fili scooped him up in a hug and nuzzled the top of his head.

Bofur grinned at the pair of them. "So when's the wedding?" He asked. 

Bilbo rolled his eyes at the teasing comment. But Bofur just raised his eyebrows expectedly as if waiting for an answer.

"It obviously won't be until after we've reclaimed the mountain," said Thorin. Bilbo frowned at him because, really, now was the time Thorin decided to get a sense of humor? And not even a good sense of humor?

"Well, obviously," Kili retorted. "But how long after?" He glanced at Bilbo thoughtfully. "Do we need to go back the Shire and get some hobbits? Will they be mad if they miss your wedding?"

"Stop joking around," Bilbo told them. Everyone had been good natured enough about him and Fili so far on the quest. Why'd they suddenly decide to start teasing him?

Kili looked crestfallen. "Oh, we would never joke about it," he said quickly, looking apologetic. "We really can go back to the Shire. I'll carry all the hobbits back myself if you want me to."

"What are hobbit weddings like?" Ori asked.

"Um, well they're very nice, I suppose- why are we talking about weddings, anyways?" Bilbo was a bit confused with this whole conversation.

"Why not?" Kili replied. "We're going to have to start planning yours at some point. Why not now?"

"Because we have to make it to Erebor and possibly slay a dragon? And why is everyone just assuming there'll be a wedding? There hasn't even been a proposal."

The dwarves looked at him oddly and didn't say anything. Fili's arms tightened where they were still wrapped around him. 

Fili looked anxiously down at Bilbo. "Did you want to keep it a secret? Because I sort of already told everyone. Obviously."

Obviously. The only thing that was obvious was that this conversation was not getting less confusing.

"Are we... engaged?" Bilbo asked Fili.

"Yes," Fili bit his lip. "You do still want to marry me, don't you?"

This wasn't a joke then. This was serious.

Marriage. It was never a concept that Bilbo had thought of in relation to himself. But now- he tried to imagine spending his the rest of next to this brave, beautiful dwarf that was standing beside him. And Bilbo found he didn't want to imagine anything else.

The answer came easily. "Of course I want to marry you."

The smile on Fili's face was dazzling.

"We're engaged," Bilbo said to himself, still having trouble believing it. "It's just...," he tilted his head in contemplation, "since when?"

Now Fili's eyes roamed over him with concern. "Did you hit your head?"

"How can you not remember?!" Kili exclaimed. "Fili told us how you did it. I've never heard of such a touching proposal before! Not in all of dwarven history. I didn't know you hobbits were such romantics! Or is it just you, Bilbo? They're going to write songs about it, you know."

Perhaps Bilbo did hit his head. Because he was fairly certain that he would remember proposing as romantically and spectacularly as Kili claimed.

"Um, and how did I do this exactly?"

Fili looked very, very worried now. "When we were in the forest," he answered as though it pained him. "You offered to cut my braids."

Okay. Well, Bilbo definitely remembered that. "Yes?"

"That was-" Fili's face fell and he looked sadly at Bilbo. "You didn't know. I should've realized but I wasn't really thinking clearly and there were the spiders and _of course you didn't know-_ "

"Didn't know what?" Then realization hit Bilbo. "Oh! That was-"

"When dwarves propose," said Fili, not quite looking Bilbo in the eyes, "they usually ask if they can brush or braid the other's hair. It's a sign of trust, to put your hair in someone else's hands."

Bilbo was speechless. The sudden knowledge that Fili must've had a great amount of trust in him to actually let him cut his hair off left him almost dizzy. 

He really should've asked about dwarves and courting and relationships a bit sooner.

"Fili," he said softly and slowly. "When I offered to cut your hair-"

"You were just offering to cut my hair. That's all." Fili's eyes were cast on the ground now and his voice wasn't more than a whisper.

Bilbo threaded his fingers through Fili's hair and tugged until Fili was looking at him. "No, that wasn't all. I was trying to save your life." Fili was blinking away tears. "Because," Bilbo told him, "I don't want live a life where you're not in it." A hopeful look appeared on Fili's face. "And," continued Bilbo, "I'd cut your hair again anytime you'd let me. Although," he added, smiling and inching closer to Fili, "I'm hoping I won't have to. I'm rather quite fond of it. And also of the dwarf attached."

Fili's breath hitched. "Are you saying-"

"Will you marry me?" Bilbo asked, still smiling up at his golden haired dwarf.

"Obviously," Fili rolled his as a grin spread across his face. He bent down and whispered against Bilbo's lips, "Yes." Then he captured Bilbo's mouth in a long, deep kiss.

"Yeah," Kili's voice sounded smug and gleeful. "They're definitely going to write songs about this."

-  
-

They did write songs about it.

Well, they wrote songs about all of it. About the entire quest and eventual slaying of the dragon and the reclaiming of the mountain and the battle in which thankfully none of the company died.

But there was an entire song devoted to the love between Bilbo and Fili. How they went on a journey to find a home and they found each other- the courting, the proposal, the marriage. It was hailed as the most epic romance of the modern dwarf age. Honestly, it was bit too dramatic for Bilbo's taste. And he knew Thorin and Kili would hum the song just to annoy him.

However, there was one verse in the song that Bilbo didn't quite understand. So one day he went to ask Kili. 

"Kili, what does that one part mean- it says something like if Fili rejected me, I'd have suffered loss of limb?"

"Oh," Kili shrugged. "Just that if Fili had been offended when you'd asked to cut his braids off, then Thorin and I would've cut your hands off. So, it's really-"

Bilbo never heard the rest of what Kili said because he dropped to the ground in a faint.

The last thought he had before unconsciousness overtook him was: _Yeah. I really should've asked about dwarves and courting and relationships a bit sooner._


End file.
